Ransom Notes: Resolutions for 2009

Where did 2008 go? Wherever it went, here's one vote that it stays there, never to be seen again. Sure, we've had great things happen in 2008, but when gas prices nearly hit $5, all I knew was that if there was a way to drive out of 2008, I couldn't afford to go.

But it is over now, and we're heading into the New Year, and with it, the time-honored practice of establishing New Year's resolutions. One study says that only 12 percent of New Year's resolutions are actually achieved. I believe that is because most people make the wrong resolutions.

In the interest of improving that success rate, I have taken it upon myself to provide resolution assistance to people who might benefit from an objective party.

For President-elect Barack Obama: Resolve to stay the course. They want you to be more liberal, more Black, more Chicago. None of that got you elected. Just be more Barack. It has been working for you.

For Mayor Richard M. Daley: Resolve to loosen the reins on city council. Watching them say “How high?” when you say “jump” is so disquieting. Give them a little more leash.

For Cook County Board President Todd Stroger: Resolve to actually cut county spending. If you keep asking for mo' money, mo' money, it hardly makes you a man of the people. The people don't have any mo' money.

For Gov. Rod Blagojevich: Resolve to curb your profanity. The language you allegedly used in those taped conversations would turn a sailor's face blue. Include Patti in that resolution. You can do it. Say, “friggin'” and “sugar” instead.

For former state Senate President Emil Jones: Resolve to build a family dynasty in Illinois politics. I'm sure we can find some kids for you to adopt to put in elected office. Spread the wealth.

For the various Chicago chapters of the NAACP: Resolve to take off the cloak of invisibility. During a time when racial tension has been exacerbated, and this newspaper receives almost daily calls about workplace discrimination, the NAACP has been among the missing. This venerable organization is about to celebrate its centennial, yet here in Chicago, it has nearly no presence.

To Chicago Urban League President Cheryle Jackson: Resolve to do even more in 2009. That is hard to imagine, with your busy schedule and the turnaround of the Urban League from a social service agency to an economic development agency. But we'll welcome the national convention here next year, raising your profile even more. No wonder Blagojevich was considering putting you in the U.S. Senate. You're about to outgrow this city, girl.

To Michelle Obama: Resolve to do nothing different. You are already an icon while at the same time being the mother, the wife, the businesswoman and the partner that will set the standard. No wonder Laura Bush can't stand you.

To Chicago citizens: Resolve to actually get involved in the next few elections. You don't actually have to accept politicians who raise your taxes and cut your services just because they have a familiar name. If you don't like the government you have, you are the only ones who can change it.

To Lovie Smith: Resolve to get a quarterback, an offensive line, a defensive backfield, a better role for Devin Hester, a defensive coordinator and some sideline emotion. I thought I saw you dozing on the sidelines during the Houston game. Your team overachieved this year and still missed the playoffs. What does that tell you?

To Derrick Rose: Resolve to get some local endorsements. You ought to be cashing in around here. Jewel and Walgreens and Macy's ought to be snapping you up. We don't even know what brand of shoes you wear. If you got a little down time, you can even pose holding a copy of the Chicago Defender. We don't mind. You're the biggest thing to hit town in basketball since that guy, what's his name, the one who advertised his underwear. He was from North Carolina.

To Chicago youth: It isn't your fault. The schools, your parents, the criminal justice system, your music and BET have failed you. With all that is arrayed against you, it is a wonder you get up in the morning. But you had better shake that mess off and stop shooting at each other. You have to succeed your parents and make progress where we regressed. We'll try to help, but you see where our help got you.

Yeah, yeah, I have a resolution for myself. I resolve to do a better job of bringing news and information to Chicago Defender readers. I also resolve to only make resolutions once a year.

Lou Ransom is Executive Editor of the Chicago Defender. He can be reached via e-mail at lransom@chicagodefender.com.

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