Dear Chat Daddy,
As much as I hate to admit it, I am a 34-year-old single
female who has only had a couple of relationships in my
entire life. Most of my relationships have been with well-to-do, attractive brothers who say that they want to be
married, but after a few months, the relationships go sour. Chat Daddy, I’ve tried everything from telling the guys up
front that I wanted to be married with children to not
saying anything at all about my dreams and
desires for my future, for fear of losing them.
For some strange reason I can’t seem to make
my relationships last longer than three
months. Once I share my ultimate goals and
dream with them, they disappear. At this
point I’m starting to think that I’m destined
to be alone. Or, should I still have hope that I’ll
find my one true love?
-What’s The Point, I Give Up!
Dear What’s The Point, I Give Up!,
Sister girl, please have hope! You should never give
up on the concept of love. At some point in life, I think we
have all examined our past sour relationship experiences
only to realize how many empty relationships we’ve had. After reading your letter, I’m starting to think you may
have chosen the wrong guys each time in your quest of
finding true love because finding love is not always easy.
At this point you must understand that the past is the
past, and all you can do is to live for now. Time spent wallowing
in misery could be better spent doing something to
solve your problems. The trickiest part of developing a
healthy relationship with anyone is learning to have open
and honest dialogue about your dreams, goals and wishes
about how your lives can be spent together. I recommend
that you sit down with a pen and paper and write a list of
what worked in each of your previous relationships.
After
you have done that for each relationship, go back and
write down what didn’t work and what, eventually, lead to
the demise of the relationship. If you can, talk to someone
close to you about what you have uncovered about yourself
and your past relationships. Personally, I don’t
believe every person you meet and date is meant to be
with you for life, especially if they are not capable of
establishing and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. If you want to be with one partner for life, you
need to make sure that the partner you choose also desires
a life partnership and is capable of sustaining it. Often we
are so caught up in a person’s physical looks and their
sexual performance that we never examine what is in their
heart, mind and soul.
Here’s to you finding a mate who desires a life-long
romance and who is capable of sustaining it.
Dear Chat Daddy,
My husband and I are the proud parents of a 16 year old
who is developing into a wonderful young man. We both
believe in him developing his own independence by letting
him date and by allowing him to hang out with his friends
more after school on the weekend while staying close and
supportive of him. Recently I’ve been worried about our
son being so sick on Saturday mornings after hanging
out with his friends on Friday nights.
When I
spoke to my husband about the issue and
explained that I think our son is smoking
weed and/or drinking alcohol, he replied "honey stop worrying because boys will be
boys and it’s not uncommon for teens to
drink or smoking weed out of curiosity."
Chat Daddy, I want him to grow up to be a
healthy and productive young man and not
another wacked out member of today’s society.
What should I do?
-He’s Just A Little Tipsy
Dear He’s Just A Little Tipsy,
It’s really good to know that you are concerned about
your teen being exposed to the wrong things. You and
your husband must see together that this is becoming a
problem. Most teens make the wrong decisions based on
peer pressure because they think it makes them cool and
grown. Drinking alcohol and using drugs have become
commonplace for most of our teens today.
They think being drunk and high is a common way to live because that’s all they see in most music videos and hear in the music they listen to. The easy access of drugs and alcohol in our community does not help in this matter. I’m sure that most parents are not aware that the leading cause of death in our young people today between the ages of 10 and 24 years old is from being under the influence.
More teens are dying in car crashes and from injuries, homicide and suicide because of being under the influence. It is normal for your son to be curious. It is only human nature. But as his parents, you must catch this negative behavior before it gets out of hand. Watch for changes in friends, a drop in grades and a total lack of interest in things he once enjoyed like family time, sports and hobbies.
Other signs are mood swings, secretiveness and a change in his eating habits. Have a frank talk with your son about staying on the right track while explaining to him that you will not accept this type of behavior in your household. Here’s to your son growing up to be a great man without a lot of bad influences that will keep him from his goals in life.
Art “Chat Daddy” Sims can be reached via e-mail at chatdaddy@chicagodefender.com.
______
Copyright 2008
Chicago Defender. All rights reserved. This material may not be published,
broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
