Dear Chat Daddy,
I am a 24-year-old woman who hasn’t spoken to
her mother in almost a year. While growing
up, I was pretty much a latchkey child
due to my mother being too busy partying
and hanging in the streets. She
barely came home at a decent hour.
I remember being abused by her
due to her disease: slapping, pushing,
cursing out and anything else
that I could've easily reported, but
didn’t. Now that I'm older, I feel
compelled to try and repair the relationship
because it pains me to have
such a sour relationship with her, but I
am not sure how to go about it. Please
help.
-Growing Up With Mommy Dearest
Dear Growing Up With Mommy Dearest,
Thank you so much for your letter. I applaud you
for wanting to still reach out to your mother and salvage
your relationship. Often times we turn away
from family members who have hurt us the most,
but I’m here, my dear, to remind you that this is the
woman who gave you life. I would suggest that the
two of you start off with prayer and family counseling.
There is a lot of residue here from the damage
that your mother has done. But rest assured, she
probably has a lot of unresolved issues herself that
she needs to come to terms with in the process.
Abuse is never ok, so I really would like to emphasize
counseling not only for yourself, but for her as
well. Honest communication would definitely be the
healing balm in restoring the bond between mother
and daughter. Here’s to you and your mother
embarking on a journey in healing, restoration and
unconditional love.
Be encouraged.
Dear Chat Daddy,
I’m a 29-year-old female who needs your advice.
I have a good friend, and we are very close. We call
ourselves the ‘divas’ and hang out almost every
other weekend. The problem is she is unemployed
and has a snotty side to her, and it’s beginning to turn
me off.
She’s the type of woman who can only drink topshelf
liquors, eat at only the finest restaurants
and wear the best designer labels,
but is always broke when we go out.
She is also the queen of making
smart remarks that are beginning to
get under my skin, and I find
myself having negative feelings in
regards to our friendship, which
scares me because I do love her
like a sister. She has told me that I
was too sensitive, and maybe I am
at times, but when something rubs
me the wrong way–it is what it is.
Chat Daddy, any feedback you give
would be greatly appreciated.
-Sister Girl Is Becoming A Hot, Annoying Mess
Dear Sister Girl Is Becoming A Hot, Annoying
Mess,
I definitely see your point. Sometimes when we
have been friends with someone for a long period of
time, we tend to overlook a few things that annoy us,
and that don’t settle well in our spirit. Be straight up
with her. If she is constantly doing and saying
ridiculous things, then you need to check her on her
behavior. Let her know firmly that you don’t appreciate
her gaining all of her pleasure and amusement
at your expense. I’m sure that she wouldn’t like you
doing the same thing to her. A real friend who knows
you would never do such insensitive things. If she
takes offense, then you may have to eventually distance
yourself and move on. Yes, you love her like a
sister, but I doubt if she feels the same about you.
You don't need someone always taking from you and
then making stupid, insulting remarks.
Cut your losses and find someone who totally
appreciates you to the fullest. Here’s to you both
understanding that in all relationships, there is
always a much higher level of grace and mercy that
can be shared.
Art “Chat Daddy” Sims can be reached via e-mail at chatdaddy@chicagodefender.com.
______
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